Nov 21, 2019

When I look at this picture from last week, it gives me such a sense of home. Maybe it's being away for training, or seeing this season return once again, with its light- the familiarity that seems like yesterday, even though three other seasons have since passed. This time last year, the edge of so much change. The details of what’s happened, clear as glass, yet time has been warped and infinity is contained in a blink.

I’ve orbited above myself, staying as far from my body as possible, a way to survive and cope. I didn’t plan it that way, I just didn’t have other directions- it was excelsior. Appropriate, the medicine of yoga and where I’ve ended up, the physical therapy that has forced me to return. I hadn’t comprehended that I’d been away, when I booked this ticket back.

Returning to my body feels like going to a childhood place where all is familiar yet I remembered things differently. Mysterious enchantment. Some rooms feel smaller than before, old habits don’t fit, and if I try the closet I feel dressed in costumery, like a child in the clothes of my grown self, only reversed. But there’s warmth there, too. And good company. The place just needs a bit of organization.

It’s been a wild and wondrous time of growing. I’ve felt some writers block, trying to make the connection with my body- A place I long for, and also don’t want to go. My form admired as beautiful from heights, yet still hard to walk inside. I’m wounded and sometimes afraid. But I’m homesick and I know it’s been time. Besides, I really like the view within.