May 30, 2019

Yesterday, I watched the last bits of chemotherapy drip-drip-drip out of the IV bag and down through the plastic IV tubes, into the port on my chest. Fear would make me pause every time I thought, “This is it! We did it!” As the last drops fell, I wondered if maybe this wouldn’t be the last I see of it, but as those fears emerged, I quieted myself and let them drift by till they were just out of sight- not today, fear. Today, I have hope.

I had originally planned to fill the day with friends and celebration, but as my final chemo got closer, I couldn’t help but feel I wasn’t quite ready for that. I also just felt I needed quiet, and so, I changed the plans several times and my gracious friends supported me each time.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more loved or supported by my community, or proud of myself for taking these awful and scary steps toward an uncertain, yet hopeful future. I know the hardest might be ahead of me with surgery, but I’ve never felt stronger or more ready to be brave and face what is to come. To the hundreds of folks who messaged, called, texted, or quietly offered support- We are so thankful for you!

As we made our way home, I grabbed a bell from my car and went to have a few moments in the park near our studio. I am not alone, and I am loved.

Have a bell? Send me a video of you joining me in ringing. Ringing bells for hope, Love, and togetherness.