Feb 27, 2019

Still feeling the chemo side effects on week 3, but at least the one food that seems to calm my tummy also happens to be one of our favorite foods- sourdough toast! Hawthorne has the best loaves and little short drives upstate are always nice. With our next infusion around the corner on Monday, I’m feeling the weight of my grief creep back in. I’m not ready, and yet I am. I don’t want this, and yet I’m ready to move through it and past it. I’ve been missing the agency I normally have over things, but I’m also trying to embrace learning to ebb and flow, allowing space for emotions to be what they are. Some days you’ve got to cry in your tea, and that’s ok. I’m learning that grief isn’t something to stop or fix, but rather embrace. Having cancer really sucks, it makes me super sad but while I’m sad I can still celebrate by putting on some brightly colored clothes that make me feel a vibe for tracking down some joy. ;)