Sep 26, 2019
Last night, we raised a glass to life. To the life and health of my friends and neighbors, Catherine and Behida, who were both declared free of cancer this week after long treatments! We raised a glass to these things for me and the many others we know who have been in this fight recently, too- Maike, Eva, Sarah, Kelsie, Nanaz, Alexa and Lou... and the many more, along with the multitude who bring love and faith and fight to us, when we don’t have it for ourselves.
It was our last night upstate, for a bit, before the start of something new for me, as well.
In questioning the familiar nerves that crept in recently, I wondered why I would be feeling anxious. I don’t have anything to prove and we all start out as beginners. I noticed that my nerves were an old reflex, a fear of needing to be perfect. An idea that on day one, I need to be more than half way to that finish line.
Lessons taught to me have helped me not fall into this old feeling, and I realized in stillness, “I wasn’t sure I would be strong enough, but I am! It’s been quite a lot.” I worked so hard to get here today, and so many others have too. A couple months ago, before I even started chemo, I could barely make it up a flight of stairs. And now, I’m strong enough for a big fun commitment!
Strength was built one moment at a time, and in many moments, against my strongest beliefs.
I shared the thoughts with G all afternoon, “We worked so hard to get here!” It was all so beautiful, last night-The long painted drive out to Brushland, the eager leaves in orange, the local wine they made and poured to mouths, the incredible food that’s somehow like a hug from Grandma, the love that gives a temporary home, the pure celebration of life- magic! The gasping surprise, a show of tears, like sunshine with rain.
Sara and Sohail, thank you for the hard work and intent behind your offering- none of it's without notice. The fury you mention is inspired by lended strength, like yours, and the shared view was a reminder that we were not alone.
We used to push toward finish lines but now want to seek the starting point. We’ve worked so hard to get here, today. It is together and now that we celebrate!