Jan 14, 2020

The smoke from Australia has been rising, traveling across a digital sea of pixels. We cough up virtual ash in reposted images and confused despair, wanting to make an impact. I look out at Australia and see my body on fire. I see cancer and the invisible wildfire, I feel the heat. I have been burned.

You see what you look for and learn what you study, I was told. I’ve been studying life and how to survive. More specifically, how to survive in this environment. Roughly 10% of diagnoses are genetically marked, leaving 90% of cancer considered “environmental.” My cancer wasn’t genetic. I’m looking for understanding. What has happened- inside the body, and out?

Male fertility rates are down 50% in the last half century. In 30 years, half the ocean coral reef has died. The coastline, the forest. Nature call’s from all directions. Cancer is everywhere, and who is safe?

Breezed by the “A” rating given by the health department on our way back to the garden at an old favorite haunt on Saturday. As we sat with friends in sun, my eye caught a scene in the kitchen window- A bucket of silverware in grey water, more dirty silver added, and then a canister of AJAX dumped over and agitated. Chemicals. I glanced down at my clean fork, still crusted with bits of dried food. Possibly chemicals there too? I paused to consider the “A” and safety.

We don’t have a solution, but we know better. After seeing the resilience of life firsthand, with near death and cancer, I know we make a difference. Every small thing ripples. Our feeling and connections matter, and, in fact, the way we feel is contagious.

For me it’s fear and shame with the environment, and for many it is despair- but these emotions are not productive or restorative.

I go outside, feet on the soil. Breathe. I think about my health and the health of many friends. I think about loss, both personal and universal, and what it’s worth.

Loss presses life. Life meets loss. In the mingling, there is hope. We are resilient, and mysterious, and powerful- as is nature. And, hope is a magical motivator. Hope reveals a million ways to make a difference, the infinite choices available to saluting life. Let’s step outside.