Apr 11, 2019

It’s funny how meeting with a bunch of doctors and having a weeks worth of discussions will wake you up to your reality and the brains beautiful ability to hush worries, up to a point. Upon diagnosis, I was focusing so much on the day to day of getting through. Now, I know what to expect, and I thought I was hitting my stride... Then, the doctors again with the shots, echocardiogram, and the talks about the future and my looming surgery. It’s all very hard. My losses are so tender and layered. I’m thankful for the new found ability to accept my feelings of loss, allowing myself to feel sad, while being carried and encouraged by my community. There are endless tears, but not all of them sad. If you saw me crying in the Thai restaurant, I’m not totally losing it, those were tears of gratitude over the generosity of a kind soul. I may be a broken heart, but I know I’m doing ok.